ethanol – noun

A corn-based alcoholic panacea that will end global warming, establish America's energy independence, stabilize the agricultural economy, solidify the political devotion of farm states, and win the Global War on Terror.

COMMENT: Herbalife has begun marketing ethanol gel caps. Nutritionists have found it to be a powerful detoxicant.

Perk up pouting household surfaces with new miracle Ubik, the easy-to-apply, extra-shiny, non-stick plastic coating. Entirely harmless if used as directed. Saves endless scrubbing, glides you right out of the kitchen!